


Losing Sleep

by TheDoctorFromTheLibrary



Category: Avatar: The Last Airbender
Genre: Canon Compliant, Gen, Nightmares, Ozai (Avatar) Being a Terrible Parent, Past Abuse
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-01-06
Updated: 2019-01-06
Packaged: 2019-10-05 11:53:39
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,039
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17324516
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/TheDoctorFromTheLibrary/pseuds/TheDoctorFromTheLibrary
Summary: Zuko has joined the Gaang, but he's still keeping secrets. Katara is suspicious and decides to find out what he's hiding.





	Losing Sleep

“Where have you been?” asked Katara behind him, hate dripping from her voice. “Better yet, where do you go every night?”

Zuko stopped mid-step and turned around, trying not to show that she’d startled him. It was barely dawn and everyone else was still asleep. He rose with the sun and was used to being the only one wake during the first hours of light.

“It’s none of your business,” he answered in a neutral tone.

He knew he deserved her anger. She’d been the first one to see him as more than the Fire Lord’s son. And he’d betrayed her, he’d betrayed his own uncle who had always stood by his side, in favor of his sister and his father. At the time, he’d thought he was doing the right thing, but thanks to him the Avatar had almost been killed. His mistake could’ve granted the Fire Nation a devastating victory and assured the destruction of the rest of the world.

He could never take it back, but he could try and deserve the trust she had put in him back under Ba Sing Se. He owed her at least that. But he didn’t owe her answers. Not to this question.

Katara’s eyes narrowed and she took a step towards him. Her hand rested on her pouch, ready to attack at a moment’s notice.

“You were sending a message home, weren’t you? Telling your Father where the Avatar is?”

Zuko tensed up. Anger burned inside him, but he pushed it down until it was nothing but ash. It was frustrating that his work and sacrifices didn’t seem to mean anything to her, but he didn’t have the right to ask for anything else. He deserved the suspicion after what he’d done.

“I’m not a spy, Katara,” he said, so calm and steady his uncle would’ve been proud. That is if his uncle didn’t hate him now.

“Then why won’t you answer?”

“Because— “

A noise coming from the fountain area saved him from answering. Everyone else was waking up. Soon the Western Air Temple would be buzzing with activity and they would both be too busy to even talk to each other. He’d be teaching Aang firebending, and then she would have her turn practicing with the Avatar.

Aang flew over and landed between them.

“Morning, Katara! Morning, Zuko!” he said cheerfully. Zuko would never get used to it.

“Morning, Aang,” Katara replied with a warm simile, never taking her eyes of Zuko.

He saw his chance and he took it. Zuko turned to Aang. “I’m gonna light a fire for breakfast and then we’ll start practice. Don’t be late.”

As he left, he could feel Katara’s glare on his back. She would not let it go. He didn’t know what to do.

 

***********

 

Confronting Zuko had been a mistake. She’d warned him that she was onto him. Now he was on edge.

He still left every night, but later, when everyone else was certainly asleep, and he came back earlier before they had time to wake up. And when he did, his step was even lighter than before, and he seemed to pay more attention to everything, making sure no one followed him.

During the day, he was tired. She could see the dark circles under his eyes. He couldn’t keep up with Aang’s energy, and he made enough slip-ups in their sparring that Sokka actually won a few times. He’d even dozed off during lunch with his bowl in his hands.

But every time she came close to him, he tensed up. Exhaustion disappeared from his face and his stance changed ever so slightly, ready to run or fight. They kept their interactions to the bare minimum: He avoided her as much as he could and she didn’t push him.

Katara was impulsive, but she could also be patient.

She waited for a few days, trying to convince him she had dropped the subject. However, he didn’t seem to relax until he was forced to. The effort of being so careful and paranoid was taking its toll on him. He couldn’t keep hiding it from the others and his body couldn’t keep going.

One night, he left earlier. As he left, she heard his steps, clumsier than usual, and when she opened her eyes she saw him almost trip on Toph. Although he was noisier than he’d ever been, no one woke up.

Once he was out of sight, Katara got up slowly and followed him at a safe distance. He was in a hurry, almost running up the steps. He was careless, and that was exactly what she needed.

She followed him to the nearby meadow where he’d left his war balloon. Most of his things were still there as well. She realized then that although he spent his days with them, he didn’t _live_ with them.

Hiding behind a tree, Katara watched him. She expected him to get some paper to write a message or maybe look at war plans over a map. Instead, he picked up a rag and tied it around his mouth. He wrapped himself in a blanket and lay down under a tent made from his balloon’s sail.

Katara was baffled. _What is he doing? What’s with the rag? Is he sleeping?_

No, he couldn’t be just sleeping. Why would he go to all that trouble to keep it a secret if he was just sleeping? It had to be something else.

Maybe he was waiting for someone and he was sleeping in the meantime. That made sense. But it didn’t explain why he’d gagged himself. Nothing that Katara could come up with did.

She stood vigil for a long time. She heard Zuko’s breathing slow down to a calm, steady rhythm. The soothing sound washed over her. Soon, her own breathing matched his. Her eyelids were drooping. She fought sleep as it pulled at her, dragging her into the deep. She had to keep watch.

A muffled sound woke her up. She jerked her head up. Zuko was still there.

He tossed and turned, the blanket tangled between his legs. His body was trembling, limbs trashing and flailing. His breathing was ragged as he screamed through the gag.

Katara froze. She couldn’t move, but she couldn’t stop staring either. She had seen other people have nightmares and she had her own share of bad dreams. But she had never seen anything so raw and visceral.

_What is he dreaming about? What can possibly scare the prince of the Fire Nation so much?_

Suddenly, it stopped.

Zuko sat up slowly and pulled the gag off. He curled into himself with his head between his knees, his hands running through his hair. He was still shaking.

As his breathing slowed, he raised his head. He rubbed his eyes with the heels of his hands and started muttering to himself. Katara couldn’t hear what he was saying, but she could tell it was the same thing over and over again.

Worry pricked at her. Zuko was her enemy, but he was clearly struggling. She had to help somehow.

She took a careful step forward, then another. Zuko was so lost in his own words that he didn’t even notice her coming closer.

“Father isn’t here Father isn’t here Father isn’t here—”

Horror hit her like a punch.

She gasped.

Zuko was up in a flash. He assumed a fight stance with a flame in one hand and the other ready to strike.

“Who’s there?” he asked, sounding scared. Not scary and intimidating like she thought he would, like he had when he’d chased them, like the Zuko she knew.

Katara stepped into his light and said softly, “It’s just me, Zuko.”

He dropped his hand but kept the light between them.

“Of course it’s you. Are you satisfied now?”

The flame rose to meet his anger, but it shrank to the size of candlelight as something else flickered through his face. He looked away, turning the scarred side of his face to her. It looked disturbing in the faint light.

She reached out with one hand, but he flinched back before she even touched him.

“Zuko—”

“Now you know where I go every night, so you can leave and let me go back to sleep.”

“Zuko, look at me.”

He did.

“Leave!”

The flame reached high enough to singe the leaves above them before it came back down.

Katara planted her feet instead of stepping back. She had felt sorry for him only for him to treat her this way. _Ungrateful jerk!_

“You can say you changed all you want, but you’re still the same arrogant, rude little prince I met on the South Pole.”

He didn’t explode at her like she expected him to. His flame barely flickered, but there was something she couldn’t quite read in the way he looked at her.

“You should be happy then. You got what you came here for. You got a reason to get rid of me.” There was no fire in his voice.

Katara couldn’t fit the boy in front of her with the Fire Prince. It was disconcerting to see him so unlike himself. Her anger ebbed away.

“A reason? What—? You mean your nightmares?”

Zuko dropped his gaze. He turned his back to her and started going through his things, stuffing them in bags.

_Does he really think we’ll kick him out because he has nightmares?_

“If I’m afraid of my own father, how can I be good enough to teach Aang to defeat him? You don’t need me, you need someone better.”

Katara moved to put a hand on his shoulder but stopped when she remembered his previous reaction. Was she really trying to comfort the Fire Prince?

“Zuko, being afraid doesn’t mean you’re not good. It means you know how dangerous the Fire Lord is and what he’s capable of.” _You know it too well_. “Aang needs to know it too if he’s going to fight him.”

Zuko stayed silent for a few minutes, staring at the dagger he was packing away. He turned to Katara.

“Are you going to tell the others?” he asked tentatively.

“It’s not my secret to tell. But you don’t have to hide from us.” She started down towards the temple. “Come back with me and let’s go to sleep.”

He nodded but didn’t move. It took him a while to take the first step and follow her.

Katara could hear his soft steps behind her. This was the boy she had met in that cave. A boy who had lost his mother. A boy terrified of his father. A boy.

But that was before he betrayed her. And if he had done it once, he could do it again. He wasn’t just a boy. He was also the Fire Nation Prince. And the Fire Nation meant war, suffering, and death.

Ice settled back in her heart. She couldn’t let her guard down around Zuko again.

 

***********

 

Dawn found Zuko in a deep sleep for the first time since he’d arrived. He stirred and opened his eyes as the first rays of sunlight shone on him.

Panic burned in his chest. He wasn’t in his war balloon. _Where am I? What happened?_

He turned to find Sokka sleeping only a few meters away. Toph snored louder than Appa. Aang was snuggling against the sky bison with Momo tucked under his arm. Katara slept by the fountain.

Zuko sighed in relief.

The memories from the night before came back to him through a haze of smoke like a half-remembered dream. He knew them to be true, but they seemed distant as if they belonged to another time or even someone else entirely.

How could he have thought that sleeping there would be a good idea? What would he do when he had another nightmare and woke up screaming? They would all know. What would he do then? What would he say?

Zuko didn’t know yet. He tried to push the worry away and bury it deep. They where his friends. Everything would be alright.

He got up slowly without a sound, stretching towards the sun. He didn’t notice Katara’s icy stare on his back, following his every move.

 


End file.
